Friday, November 15, 2013

Family vs. Career

Last skali update blog ni was back in june... Pergh... Lama giler... Haih... Sini kan tempat meluah rase yg panjang lebar kan...

I am dying need to say this... How i wish deeply to quit from my job... How i wish arissa membesar dlm pelukan ibu...

Tp at times terfikir jugak... Such a waste my efforts all this while... Struggle bagai nak gile... Smpai ke tahap ni...

Argh... Siapa yg peduli... Masih lg exec cabuk... Tenaga dikerah bagai nak gile... Gaji seciput tu jugak...

Ape kah yg lebih berbaloi dr pegi keje dan tinggalkan anak membesar hasil sentuhan baby sitter?

Aku mmg x leh dok diam pk benda ni... Setiap jam dok pk ape aku patut buat... Terlalu sayangkan arissa... Aku dok tengok2 zaman skg ni... Seram lah!

Memang... Aku over protective... Smpai ade yg kate cerewet giler... Anak kitorg ok jek... Argh tu kaw... Ni aku... Kau tahu ape rase tunggu 1 tahun 10 bulan? Tak tahu kan? So diam! Ahahahaha... Jahatnye aku...

Well... Every parents pon nak yg terbaik utk anak2 kan... Tp terbaik dlm kamus kau and kamus aku mungkin berbeza... Tu je...

Kdg2 kan aku nyesal tak ikot cakap ayah suruh jd cikgu... Bile cikgu2 dgr ni sure diorg akan kate, cikgu lg sibuk... Dah x mcm cikgu2 dulu... Ade btolnye jugak... Tp kan mase ade sikit flexibility... Argh... Sudah2 la ain... Marah en adif dgr pkataan nyesal... Allah pon marah tahu?

Arissa, tunggu yea sayang... Ibu akan buat sesuatu... Ibu nak jage arissa... Tp kesian ayah keje sorg2... Ayah tak mampu tanggung kite... Bukan salah ayah... Tp keadaan dunia sekarang ni menuntut kite kerah tenaga 200%...

Perkara plg worst aku rase ialah bile kite terpaksa tinggalkan anak utk sesuap nasi. Smpai je kat ofis boss buat kite btol2 cam kuli... Haih... Tak bbaloi btol rasenye... Ok lah bos... Bg lah segalan benda kat i ni... I mmg mampu tanggung semuanya... Lambat2 lah lg carik staffs k... Nnt kalau i blah lg senang u interview 2 or skali gus...

K... Nak sambung buat keje... Bai... :p

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Hari hati paling fragile! :(

I wanna make this short & quick!

Korang tahu tak ape rase menunggu kemunculan heartbeat dalam rahim korang?

Korang tunggu selama  1 tahun 10 bulan... Tetiba korang diberitahu dalam rahim korang ade heartbeat...

9 bulan korang bawak dia ke mana-mana je... Se-berhati-hati yg mungkin korang jage dia... Penat ke... Mengah ke... Tak leh tido malam ke... Dia kick la... Golek la... Hempas badan dlm perut la... Korang harung setabahnye... *senyum*

Pastu smpai masenye... Korang lahirkan dia... 2 bulan cuti... Day and nite korang ngan dia... Dia nangis, korang peluk, dia diam... Indah! Korang tahu dia nak kat korang. Indah! Korang tahu korang je boleh tenang kan dia. Indah!

1 bulan 3 minggu... Korang kena hantar dia kat orang lain daytime... To train dia utk korang pegi kerja lg seminggu... A nite before the first day, dia woke up every hour... Merengek... Menangis... Pagi tu pon nangis... Yg selama 1 bulan 3 minggu bersama korang sikit pon tak pernah nangis pagi... Tido dengan penuh tenang... Haih... This is really hurt!!!

I got to be strong in order to ensure she's gonna be strong enuff...

Jumpe petang nanti, cinta!

Ibu loves you, arissa raihana...

Saturday, November 10, 2012

An official introduction: Double A's Lil Heartbeat Week 15th

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim... Assalamualaikum...

This so called my 1st entry with regards to the most valuable gift from Allah... Our lil heartbeat in my tummy is on the journey to week 15th... Finally went through the 1st trimester... We made it lil baby... Somehow we still need to take an extra care just like our 1st trimester...

People say I am good in expressing my feelings to put it into words... Am I? But, not this time... I think! It's superbly hard to put into words on how I felt...

How to start? Mane nak mula? Can I just say it seemed a miracle. Where through out the 2 years marriage journey you kept counting days, and all of sudden came to the month where you didn't bother at all. At that particular moment, you've been blessed with the 'gift'?. We both sangat2 surprise.

August 2012. Our concentration were to fully utilised the Ramadhan. 2nd, counting days for my sister in law to deliver my 1st nephew towards end of August. Some more, no doctor's follow up during fasting month. Lagi la memang tak kira hari period ke ape. :P... Anyhow, we noticed 1 valuable thing during this Ramadhan... Adif mengaji everyday... Siap bace dengan terjemahan Al-Quran... Whilst me kadang2 mengaji, kadang2 lagi suke dengar Adif mengaji & bacekan tafsirnye skali. Towards end last 2 weeks of Ramadhan if I can recall, Adif bace tafsir most of the story pasal zuriat... Benih... Percantuman... Adam & Hawa... Asal usul kejadian manusia... Bagaimana terciptanye zuriat... At 1 point he turned to me then he asked, "sedar tak dalam bulan Ramadhan nie tafsir yg saye bace mostly bkaitan anak?"... I replied him "dah lama perasan... tapi ingat I sorang je yg noticed..."... we both smile to each other... Mase doctor check last mestrual period, waktu subur, EDD sume tue, came to a result the conception took place dalam 10 Ramadhan yg terakhir... Subhanallah... Those tafsir, actually a sign from Him... Can I take it as that?...

Hhhhmm... 30th August, 5 of us turun JB... Knowing my sister in law dah pon admitted to deliver her son... Alhamdulillah, 31st August 2012 at 8.30pm, Aisy Hafiyy bin Muaz Zuhair was safely delivered to this beautiful world... On 2nd Sept, we drove back to KL...

Sampai KD baru noticed, I've delayed for 3 days... Punye lah excited sambut anak buah kan? Didn't realize at all dah delay... Well, I have no sense at all... 3rd Sept, both of us cuti... Nak rehat... But, thinking of next day pegi keje naik motor with adif, so I decided to check... Lucky memang I keep 1 spare pregnancy test...  Stock lama kot... hihihihi... He slept when I was checking on it... And it appears like....

3.9.12 : 1st UPT


Cepat-cepat woke him up... Asked him whether what he can see from it... He said he saw the double line... Dia pon mamai... Dia tenung I punye lah lama... Then I said to him, I don't believe this... Terus dia tanye, bile beli tester tue? I replied, thats why I didn't believe the result... Coz I cant really recalled when I bought the tester... So, we both macam expect benda tue dah lama so tak boleh rely sangat on the result... On that particular night, he went out to pharmacy and buy a bit expensive tester la... To do the re-test tomorrow morning since the accuracy is better in the first urine in the morning...


So, the next morning I repeat the test... I had nothing in my mind... Tak tahu kenapa this time macam tak de rase nervous just like before bile delay period and do the test... Maybe sebab went through few negative results kot... and some more baru lepas operation... Tak expect pon akan concieve... Sbb doctor kate it takes about 6 months utk fully recover all the internal function... So, seriously no hope! End up it happend where the result goes...

4.9.12: @nd UPT *tak berapa nak clear sbb flash :(*



Yang keluar dari mulut mase tue, Alhamdulillah je... Mandi cepat2 sebab nak gi keje ngan ibu... Now on kena la naik kereta... Tunjuk kat adif the result, he was speechless... Terus pesan suruh I call doctor utk buat appointment esok nye... So, kat office terus call DEMC utk buat appointment... Tak dapat bayangkan ape reaksi doktor yg selama nie struggle utk carik ape yg tak kena ngan kitorg... After 7 months monitoring and everything seems so so good & very well on track... Ape nak cakap kat doktor? Camne nak intro? Dah tak fikir sangat pasal the positive result... Tapi dok fikir camne nak intro ngan doctor esok nie... ehehe... Adif's still blur blur and rase tak percaya... I told him to wait until doctor's confirmation, then only we can trust the tests... (^^,) so both of us pon mmg relax je la... Managed to set the appointment...

The next day,both of us amik cuti lagi... Went to DEMC... Reached DEMC, and this time baru lah rase nervous... takot... seram sejuk... semua ada... mase nak operate dulu pon tak rase takot camni... uhuhu... We're the 3rd patient that morning... Called up the number, I looked at adif... He immediately said, dia tak nak masuk... Well, understood his feelings... Dun wanna push him to witness the doctor's result... Dalam this part I can say I lagi berani compared to him... Weee... Forced to be berani, I can say... Ape pon result nye, semua ketentuan Allah... We've been tested almost 2 years... Kekuatan tue dah ade...

Masuk je bilik doctor, seperti biase... Doctor akan senyuuuuuummm je... Haih la... He helped me out a lot! Giving the courage... Yakinkan myself... To keep me calm... He did his best... Tak pernah lekang pesan doa & ingat Tuhan... When I sat on the chair, 1st question seperti selalu "Nurul, period lagi?"... Ppphheeww... lucky he starts first! Then I said " tak, doctor. Delay for 5 days already.. erm..."... He asked further "have u test? what was the result?"... I replied him " yes, doctor. I did twice. Both were positive."... Mase tue rase sangat2 nak berjurai air mata nie... He smiled... "I wont proceed with the urine test again. It will cost u on the bill nanti... so, we rely on the test u've done... to confirm, we will proceed with scanning your tummy & to ensure kedudukan dia betol dalam rahim u." After settled with scan, here it is:-

4.5 weeks : the little black dot in the middle of  the white background. it is the baby's sack. mase ni tak nampak baby lagi (^^,)


and doctor menghela nafas yg sgt lah panjang, straightly said " Alhamdulillah... finally... I confirm you are pregnant 4 weeks and a half via scan & urine test. Semoga selamat semuanya Nurul... You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of the baby"... Dia yg nampak lega... ehehehe... Tersangat ingat every single details on what he said... Because it was such a precious moment of my life... Nurse doktor yg selama nie pon ikot monitor perkembangan both of us for these 7 months pon looked so happy... Doctor provide me with this photo suruh balik tunjuk kan hubby... Padahal hubby ade je kat luar... Tak berani nak masuk... ehehe... 

Doctor provides me folic acid & ubat utk kuatkan rahim since he said I just went through the surgery and takot it affects baby's nutrition support... few blood tests before pon nampak my stress hormon sedikit tinggi... so, doctor bagi ubat to counter it back... need to consume the medicine for the entire 1st trimester... 

Keluar je from doctor's room, I looked at adif and I saw a big question mark on his face. Show him the photo and explain everything. He was sooo happy. Alhamdulillah... Syukur... 

I am now towards the 4th month of my pregnancy... Tak putus berdoa semoga Allah melindungi anugerah dalam kandungan ni... Pelihara kami dari segala bahaya, kezaliman & kesusahan... Whilst Adif jage me & baby so well... I can say I am proud of him... Betol kate org, bile susah nak dapat, kite lebih menghargai... Betapa terasa diri sangat dijaga... Ade org kate jgn dimanjekan sgt... But, he doesn't care... He once said "diorg anak dah ramai... senang nak dapat... boleh la cakap macam2... kite tunggu almost 2 years... tak salah pon nak manjekan... bukan manjekan pon, tp nak kena jage betol2..." I know he loves his lil heartbeat so much... Just like I did... Takpe sayang, I doakan Allah sentiasa bagi kekuatan kat sayang utk tahan ape je org nak cakap k... At the same time I'll do my best to take care of our lil one...

Dear lil heartbeat, ayah&ibu doakan kamu selesa di dalam sane... Sihat sentiasa... membesar dgn sempurna... Hold onto ibu tighly, okay... Hang in there... We will meet eye to eye in 1 fine day... InsyaAllah... we pray together... stay healthy okay... ayah&ibu love you... 

*Banyak lagi gambar & video... bukan tak nak share... but, let me keep it to ourselves only... share sikit2 je ok kan... (^^,)... How I wish to share the video, tapi... tak pe lah... baby tak leh dapat exposure to public awal2 sgt... ehehehe...

DEAR ALLAH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE RAMADHAN GIFT (^^,)
SUBHANALLAH
ALHAMDULILLAH
ALLAHUAKBAR



Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Prior pregnancy: privacy, respect, sincerity & perkongsian ;)

Sejak preggy ramai yg mintak berkongsi cerita...Ramai yg bertanyekan pengalaman saye...

Saye mmg rajin check-in bile pegi mane2... Sampai kat hospital pon saye tetap gembira utk check-in and post kat fb... Bulan demi bulan... Appointment demi appointment...

Maka akan ade lah insan2 yg mula bertanye sesama sendiri, sesama mereka atau terus saje pm saye...

Kalau yg ikhlas or rapat mengambil berat & nak berkongsi tue, dari semasa ke semasa bertanye kat inbox whatssapp or email...

Ade jugak yg soal selidik dari jauh je dgn cara soal selidik dari kwn2 rapat saye... Ade kawan2 rapat yg menggenggam erat cerita yg saye kongsikan... Yg bertanye pon hampa bile cerita saye tak disampaikan oleh kwn2 rapat saye... Penah ade yg kate "kalo tak nak cerita jgn la post kat facebook"...

Well saye tak pernah utk tak bercerita atau berkongsi... Tp biar la kena dgn cara nye... Kalau semua benda dgn detail nye saye cerita kat facebook dah tentu akan ade pulak yg kate "sampai benda camtu pon nak cerita kat fb"... Kan??? Cuma kalau ikhlas nak tahu elok lah tanye terus kpd tuan yg empunya diri... Bukan ke camtu lebih sopan :)

Walaupon saye rajin mengomel di facebook, masih banyak cerita yg saye pilih utk simpan dalam diri saye sendiri... Saye jugak berhak pelihara&simpan kisah saye hanye utk diri saye...

Tapi, siapa2 je yg inbox saye, sikit pon tak lokek utk saye berkongsi knowledge, cerita & pengalaman...

Ade jugak kawan2 yg tahu pengalaman saye, bercerita kat org lain yg saye sendiri pon tak kenal... Dtg mintak berkongsi cerita... Agak terkejut & kecewa pada mulanye... Seperti cerita saye di jaja... Tp saye percaya Allah mahu saye kongsikan bersama mereka...  Alhamdulillah... ;) tak pasal2 je ramai kawan skg ni...

Bile ramai yg mintak berkongsi pengalaman, saye terfikir perlu ke saye menceritakan dlm blog ttg sorotan pengalaman & knowledge yg saye ade... Sekurang2 nye saye tak perlu mengulang benda yg sama setiap mase...

Cuma, anak dalam kandungan sekarang ni masih baru lg... Rasenye saye belum bersedia utk berkongsi sepenuhnye... Ye, saye tetap akan berkongsi seperti biase kepada sesiapa saje yg menjadikan saye sbg sumber rujukan...

Kepada kawan2 yg masih belum mendapat rezeki yg 1 nie, saye nak anda tahu melalui pengalaman diduga tentang ini adalah satu rahmat... Kenapa? Sebab kalau anda semua melalui semua proses yg ada utk fertility test anda, anda akan rase bertuah nye anda mempunyai knowledge tentang semua ini. Cuba tanyekan pada mereka yg tidak diduga seperti kita, mereka belum tentu tahu betapa complex nye pregnancy process ni sebenarnye...

Jangan putus asa... Yg penting jgn stress utk perkara ini semata-mata... Enjoy your moment of two... Allah pasti kurniakan permata utk anda bile sampai masenye... Kite akan lebih menghargai... Yg pasti, personally, yg saye btol2 rase, betapa dekatnye Allah dgn saye... Alhamdulillah... Dia tidak menguji ape yg diluar batas kemampuan kite... Saye selalu rase bertuah Knowing that Allah pilih saye&suami utk diuji tentang 1 perkara yg menjadi impian setiap sepasang suami isteri...

Saye akan kongsikan pengalaman saye utk anda yg memerlukan di blog saye bile sampai masenye nanti... ;) terima kasih kepada mereka2 yg tak pernah lupa mengambil berat & sentiasa bagi semangat kat saye...

Doakan semoga kandungan saye sihat&selamat semuanye yea... ;) ameen

Friday, August 3, 2012

selalu nye dan kadang-kadang...

selalu nye kite ok... tp diorg rase kite tak ok... sbb kite senyap je...
kadang-kadang kite tak ok... tp diorg rase kite ok... sbb kite layan kan aje...

selalunye kite relax je, tp kadang-kadang jadi tak relax... sbb diorg...
selalunye diorg tak sedar, yg kite tak relax sbb diorg...
kadang-kadang diorg perasan time kite relax, sbb kite mmg relax...

tapi bile kite relax, yg diorg rase kite tak relax kenapa?

diorg tak sedar atau lupa yg diorg sebenarnye buat kite rase tak relax...

bosan!!!! itu saje... !!!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Do they really understand?

Certain matters i need to keep it to myself... I need my very own moment... And sometimes people just need time... We never been in their shoes hence we never knew... When all things came at once, i just need a space to breath in breath out peacefully... If u find that i am fine after all i'll be fine... Which i guess thats good enuff...